Get Out of Your Own Way

I play basketball.

We had a hoop over our garage in the house we moved into when I was three, and I remember loving basketball growing up there. When middle school rolled around, I wanted to jump into the games with the boys during lunch, but had trouble getting to play. This was the beginning of learning about gender norms, and how girls “aren’t as good as boys at sports.” Blah blah blah and other fake news.

Fast forward to current time. I joined my work basketball league. As I’ve experienced time and time again, few of the men would pass me the ball or even want me to sub for them. With years of encountering this, my immediate reaction was anger. “They’re not passing me the ball because I’m a woman.” I’d run back and forth with a furrowed brow — rolling my eyes at another missed opportunity to pass me the ball when I was wide open — until I took a second to think about what I was actually offering my team.

I re-examined, “Am I playing my best game out there? Would they want to pass me the ball given my current performance?” Probably not. I was just an angry body of negativity in the outskirts. I decided right there: let’s see what happens if I play my hardest and show them what I can do. I started playing stronger defense and made a couple of outside shots, and sure enough the ball was coming to me more and more.

Yes. There is high probability I wasn’t getting passes because I am a woman, initially. But, I realized I was already in the game. I was the one holding myself back from playing. I was giving the power to my teammates to decide if I was good enough. As soon I started just playing and doing what I do best there was no question about the quality of my game based on gender. Maybe it wasn’t even gender in the first place. Rather, my teammates hadn’t built trust yet. It was simple logic. That person is making baskets. Give that person the ball to do it again. All I had to do was play.

But, I realized I was already in the game. I was the one holding myself back from playing.

Why Won’t The Boys Let Me Play in the Office?

No surprise I ended up in a career widely known for being male dominated. It’s a different game, yet I deal with the same issues at work as the basketball court. Sometimes I feel like the boys won’t let me play.

For a few months I was frustrated and bored at my job because I wasn’t getting much work. Or at least work that felt significant or valued me as a team member. I couldn’t help but wonder, “Is this because I’m a woman?” and felt a lifetime’s worth of resentment for it.

There’s no doubt that unconscious bias exists in the office and undeniably part of the issue.However, they hired me for a reason. I’m already in the job. I was waiting for permission from other people to do the work I wanted to do. What I learned from basketball was I just needed to jump in.

I’ll admit, it still took some support from my superiors to put me in a position where I could truly thrive and show them what I could offer in the workplace — leading a project for a product on a company wide goal. And one in particular, who I’m eternally grateful, for helping me get past my fears that having less years of experience than my peers meant I was less qualified. He complimented me that from what he’s seen in the work I do each day my acumen surpasses my years of experience.

Again, I needed to get out of my own way. Maybe I was holding myself back by having unconscious bias about myself. Once I recognized there was plenty of work available and trusted myself that I could handle whatever was put in front of me, I hit the ground running. I finally feel like I am living up to my potential (while learning how to improve even more each day).

Maybe I was holding myself back by having unconscious bias about myself.

Now I know there is nothing stopping me from reaching out to anyone in the company or from tackling any task. I have the power to proactively take charge on almost anything.

What I’ve learned most of all is our lives are 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. Continue to identify unconscious bias, prejudices, and injustice because they definitely exist and still needs to be tackled. Where we can always begin to make a change first is within ourselves.

You are not required to wait for permission to play. Just play.